Yes or No?

A huge turn of events.
The thing is, big things needn't happen to create big impacts. Sometimes, small mistakes destroy lives. Small gestures shake the world. I had decided to take things as they come. And I kept waiting.. nothing showed up... There's one thing I can't take in life..Waiting.
And when this waiting didn't yield any result, I lost hope. I felt terrible. Are things ever going to get better? Will I be satisfied ever again?
I did what most people tell me not to, I gave up, wholesomely.
I stopped expecting anything at all, stopped feeling, blocked away all thoughts.
And it happened! It brought back my hope.. The universe signalled me to hold on, and not give up.. not yet..
And now!...I'm all pumped up...This is when it's all gonna begin..
This is my Start.

Black And White

Anger. Frustration. Disgust.
When one finds out that she can't have what she always adored of, she first feels these. And yes, it's eventually taken over by stronger feelings of pain. But it's during this transition, from reaction to response that one commits major mistakes. You say and do hurtful things. You come  into conclusions. without actually analysing what is happening. You just assume that wrong has been done to you, and start pitying yourself. Pulling yourself into darkness, with the sole company of your own pain. Without actually thinking that , it was probably your first assumption that was wrong. Maybe you saw it all wrong? You didn't wait for your brain, your mind to think it out and tell you what is the situation. You just see things shown to you and.....you think it's the end.
I did that today.
For a while, I couldn't think of any explanation for what was happening with me. I kept thinking, this is it. I'm destined to be sad. I should probably lock myself in a room and save the world from depression. For a couple of hours, all I did was fake laughter, try and make jokes that turned out to be ...well not that funny. Try to concentrate in class, but all I heard was ...i'm sad.
I was trying so hard to bring myself back together, so hard.
And I gave up, I let all the feelings come into me..i decided to endure it all instead of letting it rot my soul within. I was in the verge of tears in my computer lab. And a miracle happened.
Once I stopped trying so hard to get rid of these feelings, they just dissolved away.
I was fine all of a sudden.
And I went through what I thought was wrong. Turns out, everything was fine.. yes there was a small glitch, but it could be solved tomorrow.


You see , the thing about red roses,
It's not the flower, nor the color,
It's the feeling of love they dissipate.
It's all in the feeling, your feeling.
That is what changes your world.

Is my Past really in the Past?

It's been three weeks.  It's all like a dream. My Past.
I feel like I belong in this new place.. but for some reason..I'm not happy. Yes I like this change. But why am I not happy?
I keep thinking of my past, and shudder at the very thought of it repeating. Though things are entirely different, there is one part that is exactly the same. Me. My feelings.
Talking about social life, I was very open about things, and open to new stuff. I used to allow everything and everybody in my way. That's what's given me the cavity, stuff that entered ran away with a piece of me.
And now.. letting people again into that cavity.. gosh! Just the thought of it gives me blurry eyes.
Is it that I'm scared? Of the past repeating itself? Of failure?
Well I don't want to be.
Haha...well at least I know what I shouldn't do...but it's the question of what I should do or be doing right now that's bothering me!
I love my life! I just wanna live it to the fullest without the Fear.
I want to jump over mountains, dive from the highest cliff...
well not really..
I want try out all flavors of icecream in all th parlors in my neighbourhood, I want to watch the entire star trek series, cry crazily over Grey's Anatomy, fight like a b**** with my bestie, lol..
I wanna live.. I'm only scared, what if the past repeats?
But now, I'm up for this challenge. I'm going to find out if I can handle it all.
It just takes tiny breaths to keep you alive, doesn't it?
Those unheard heartbeats, is what makes you run.
Tiny little droplets as dew, is what creates beauty.
Those little gestures is what becomes  Love.

 

Red Roses

Life.
we look at it with a heart full of expectations..hopes..and dreams..
Despite of what has happened in our past..
We look for instances to start afresh..try it all over again..to make sure that those pains and heartaches of your past don't repeat. We always want to start all over again when something goes wrong..redo it..
Haha..if things were only that simple!
But what one forgets is that..it's all of these heartaches and pain and failures that has made you who you are..
Lessons learnt from your own past..are far more valuable than anything one could ever acquire.
This is me.....entering a new chapter in my life!
Excited about it? Definitely am..but 'im scared as hell too!
Because..i have dreams of being a Queen..i have hopes of ruling my own life..i have great expectations in life..to build a Castle.
And ...will I be able to do all this?
Am I strong enough to face obstructions?
Am I brave enough to see what ;ife wants to show me?
Am I confident enough to do what I always wanted to do?
Am I independent, despite of those very hard times I am going to face?
Am I capable of lovinf unconditionally? And being loved the same way in return?
.
.
.
.
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Will I survive it all..and be the same when I come out?
I cant wait to find out the answers..
But am I ready to know these answers yet?
All I know is that..
Red Roses are Beautiful.
<3